Monday, July 21, 2008

Breaking News: Jennifer Lopez Stepped in Dog Doo

LONG ISLAND, NY - Jennifer Lopez stepped in dog excrement this morning as she exited a Starbucks near her home, according to the local authorities. “Dispatch notified me at 0900 hours, and myself and another patrol car responded "said East Hampton Police Officer Sal Delfino. “When we arrived, Miss Lopez was visibly distressed. We assessed the situation and then summoned an ambulance.”

According to eyewitnesses, when the paramedics arrived they immediately stabilized Lopez’s foot and began to resuscitate her shoe. “It was a black suede Manolo Blahnik pump with a t-strap,” said Lila Fitz, who was also at the Starbucks buying coffee when the incident occurred. “J. Lo was was in hysterics, and I don’t blame her. She should never be subjected to the same things we regular folk do. And poop is hard to get off genuine Italian Blond calf-leather soles.”
The quick response time was apparently sufficient and the shoe is expected to make a full recovery. “Piece of cake,” Said Su-Chin Wu, the expert shoe repairer to whom the Manolo was brought. “Doo-doo old and dry. Not so stinky even.”

Lopez’s rep released the following statement: “Jennifer is understandably upset over the egregious incident that should never have happened to a celebrity of her stature. She thanks her fans and the city of East Hampton for their concern, and looks forward to a quiet evening at home with Max, Emme, and Marc.”

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